NO meat? NO worries!!!


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So believe it or not, I’m a vegetarian… I knowwww, it’s weird since i’m born in Brooklyn & from a Colombian family. In all honesty, I blame it on the yuppies who are taking over New York City; with their health food stores & their PETA videos! They brainwashed me!!! 😥

No, but i’m not bitter. I’m actually a proud vegetarian. I feel healthy & I know “im making a little difference.” But its not all fun & games. A lot of people still tease me; call me “queer” just because I don’t eat meat, which I find ironic because I gave up meat, whereas gay dudes LOVE meat.

Actually, come to think of it… the first time I told my parents that I was a vegetarian felt more like i was “coming out of the closet.” I’ll never forget that night. It was Thanksgiving of 2009. We were all sitting at the table about to dinner. I had not planned on telling them but it could wait no longer…

My mom was about to pass me a crisp piece of turkey but I refused. As she stared me down with a sad, confused look on her face I knew it was time. I said, “Attention family, I have an announcement to make. I know there’s been some rumors going around & im not even sure you’re ready to hear this but its time I come clean…. Mommy… Papi… I… I… I dont think… i like meat anymore… I’m a vegetarian!!!”

My family flipped out!!! My dad got on the floor & started praying, my grandma started lighting religious candles, my little sister was hysterically crying, my ghetto cousin Fabian was like, “YO, you a vegetarian? Whats that… Like you fuck dogs or some shit?Labrador Retriever

Me: NO, i don’t fuck dogs or some shit… i just dont eat meat anymore!
Cousin Fabian: Oh ight, but you eat chicken?
Me: NO, not even chicken.
Cousin Fabian: Oh ight, i get it, but you can eat fish?
Me: NOOO, not even fish!!
Cousin Fabian: Yo, hold up… but you still eat pussy, right?
Me: Yes Fabian!! I still eat the pussy… as long as it doesn’t smell like fish!
fish vagina tattoo
The dinner table was chaotic!!! Emotions were flying high & out of nowhere my brother Danny shouts out, “And I’m a vegan!”
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Where did my poor parents go wrong??? It wasn’t supposed to be like this! How could they let this happen?
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It’s kind of cool that my brother is a vegan because he can feel my pain. But he can be very annoying to eat with it. Just the other day, I brought home some veggie burgers for him. We were about to eat & out of nowhere he

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One thought on “NO meat? NO worries!!!

  1. Erika says:

    LMAO you’re the best! i’ve been a vegetarian for over a year for the same reason. I’m Peruvian and Puerto rican and tellin’ my fam was eh not easy. They thought I was kidding and it was a phase, I was offended at first, but got over it. I watched a movie called Earthlings … that shit scarred me for effin’ life.

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