Working out is hard to do…


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“Why is the heaviest weight at the gym always the entrance door?!”

By Alex C

Sooooo once again I joined the gym. I say “once again” because ONCE AGAIN I am making an attempt at working out. Repetitively picking up heavy objects was never really “my thing” unless I was with my girl during a wild night of sex. Awww the memories! (sad face tear)
sad face wit tearhello, I am sad face tear… have we met? OF COURSE we have!!!

Actually I didn’t even join the gym. My brother got me a membership as a birthday gift so now I HAVE to go because its one thing if I let my own membership deteriorate but I couldn’t do that to family money.
– fugedaboutit!
And to all the fat haters out there: skinny people struggle too! Think about it: in order to have a better body, we BOTH have to change our diet & work out. You think I liked growing up with forearms as skinny as an 8 year old Korean girl???
– alexa havi de skinny forearm
Well, this time I am serious about working out! I’m not trying to get all diesel juicehead huge but I wanna look good for the summer. Girls like guys who can make them laugh & they’ll stalk that guy if he’s got a nice body to match his personality. And let’s face it, stalkers are some of the most flattering people on Earth! 😀
this could… or shall i say, THIS WILL BE ME!
The problem is that my gym is filled with some of the corniest people NYC can find! That same cornball who wears sunglasses to a nightclub is that same cornball bench pressing as much as his steroids can handle while grunting like he’s a victim in a gay porno.

And that same girl who trots the VIP room of Club Juliet looking to give blowjobs for coke is that same girl who’s pony tail is bouncing on the treadmill for hours until she faints!

Is that all these tanning salon girls do? They just… jog? I don’t even see them enter or exit the gym. They just… magically APPEAR… on the treadmills. And what are they running from anyways:  A college education?  A full time job? A real man with values?

And isn’t it ironic how those obnoxious juiceheads are afraid of treadmills? They’ll jump a bouncer in a heartbeat but God forbid these “Hulks” get their blood pumping by jogging. I mean, i’m sure they don’t want that gut but their logic is: if you can get your arms and chest big enough, it will make your stomach look that much smaller.
– my name is Chad & im a closet homo
As for me, I don’t really know what i’m doing in there either. I just start lifting everything: from weights to magazine racks to the little Mexican custodians… anything to break a sweat!
no mames guey!
And I tried the personal trainer thing but that was too demanding, not to mention awkward. “OK lift! Let’s go! Right now! You got it! Push harder! You can do it! Breathe! Push! Great job! Now, just 64 more times!!!” Listen buddy, I just wanted to get biceps, NOT GIVE BIRTH!
man gives birth

So wish me luck! I am now an official member of a gym. Its been almost one full month since I started and I got a lot more reps/protein shakes to go. Here is an informercial parody I made about all the weight loss gimmicks:

SO NOW IT’S TIME TO… GET RIPPED!
(and by ripped I mean: have an OK body cause i have a social life & working out takes up too much God damn boring time!)

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